During this holiday season of over eating, we welcome you to “Culinary Corner,” where we answer the food questions of Forest Parkers:
Q. Is it true that every dish tastes better if you add sliced green pepper?
A. Yes, in fact my motto is, “Green peppers: they aren’t just for breakfast anymore.”
Q. My son just told me he’s a vegetarian. What am I going to do with the meat loaf I made?
A. Let him pick out all the onions.
Q. I recently read there’s an epidemic of obese children in this country. How can we tell our children are eating right and getting enough exercise?
A. Check for Cheetos on the channel changer.
Q. Is pizza good for you?
A. Pizza contains the four essential food groups: bread, cheese, meat and grease. If you really want to eat healthy, add sliced green pepper for your vegetable.
Q. Our neighbor cooks with curry. I can’t stand the smell. What can I do?
A. The usual procedure is to order pizzas to their house until the police catch you.
Q. My wife cooks bland meat and potato dishes every night. The strongest spice we have in the house is black pepper. How can we make our meals tastier?
A. Go next door and borrow a cup of curry.
Q. We carefully wrap leftovers in aluminum foil until the inside of our refrigerator looks like a mouth full of fillings. But we never eat the leftovers. We just wait until they go bad and throw them away. Is this wasteful?
A. That depends on how much aluminum foil you’re using.
Q. When our children have to donate canned goods to poor people, we always give them stuff we don’t want, like beets and bamboo shoots. Is this right?
A. I have it on good authority that poor people don’t like Campbell’s Chunky Soup.
Q. It finally happened. Our church asked people to bring either salads or appetizers to our potluck dinner and everyone showed up with salads. What should we do?
A. Pour hot sauce on that lettuce and you’ll have an appetizer known as Buffalo Salad.
Q. What is the most powerful food in Forest Park?
A. Well, the atomic wings at Shanahan’s make the waitresses’ eyes water. But for my money it’s the BG (butter and garlic) fries from Submarine Tender. Their aroma is so powerful; you could walk into the Sears Tower with a bag and make people on the 80th floor hungry.
Q. I really like to barbeque but we don’t have a grill. What should we do?
A. C’mon this is Forest Park. Wait for your neighbor to cook out and ask if you can throw some meat on. If they say no, slap it on when they’re not looking.
Editor’s note: Due to an overdose of triptophan, the Review is reprinting a July 12, 2000, column. Happy Thanksgiving.