There’s quite a contrast between the Forest Park of today and the town we used to know.

  • An old Forest Parker would say, “I’m going to the gas station for the Lotto.” New Forest Parkers say, “I’m going to Starbucks for a latte.”
  • Old Forest Parkers crammed nickels into parking meters. New Forest Parkers swipe their credit cards at pay boxes that charge 50 cents an hour.
  • The old Park District had a plain wooden sign in front. The new Park District has an ornate flagstone sign that matches the headquarters’ décor.
  • An old Forest Parker would say, “Where’s my bowling bag?” New Forest Parkers say, “Where’s my knitting bag?”
  • Old Forest Parkers clutch coupons and their checkbook at the grocery counter. New Forest Parkers swipe their debit card and think nothing of paying an extra dollar for asparagus.
  • Old Forest Parkers paid overdue parking tickets at the village hall. New Forest Parkers get 9 a.m. calls from a collection agency demanding 10 times the cost of the ticket.
  • Old Forest Parkers liked to go to Brown Cow for ice cream. New Forest Parkers like it even more, which explains the long lines in the summertime.
  • Old Forest Park dogs walked around naked. New Forest Park dogs are wearing sweaters.
  • Old Forest Parkers would say, “Forget the imported beer, Icehouse is on sale.” New Forest Parkers say, “The French wines are expensive, let’s try Australian.”
  • Old Forest Parkers would order a gyro with extra sauce, while new Forest Parkers prefer paninis.
  • Old Forest Parkers bragged about their low property taxes. New Forest Parkers talk a lot about property taxes, but they’re not bragging.
  • New Forest Parkers are enjoying smoke-free bars, while old Forest Parkers risk frostbite for a few puffs.
  • Old Forest Parkers lived here as medical students. New Forest Parkers live here as physicians.
  • Old Forest Parkers watched movies with chase scenes. New Forest Parkers watch movies with subtitles.
  • Old Forest Parkers would say, “Want to take a walk through the cemetery again?” New Forest Parkers say, “Want to go antiquing again?”
  • Old Forest Parkers remember clothing styles from the ’60s. New Forest Parkers are wearing them.
  • Old Forest Parkers had no trouble selling their houses. New Forest Parkers have given up trying.
  • For old Forest Parkers grocery shopping is their social life. New Forest Parkers find more exciting places to socialize.
  • New Forest Parkers start bar fights. Old Forest Parkers finish them.
  • Old Forest Parkers call the mayor with complaints. New Forest Parkers don’t realize five guys are running the whole town.
  • Old Forest Parkers read the Review. What do new Forest Parkers read, the Post?