I dedicate this to my husband of 14 years. It’s good to stop and smell the roses – even though I have allergies.
On their 25th birthday, the father accompanied his twin daughters on a long walk. He calmly said, “It’s time for both of you to depart from my household. You must seek a husband and establish your own way in the world.
“Remember, a house can be built with bricks, stones, and a satellite TV dish. However, only a peaceful home can be established on the foundation of love. Each of you will tell me what you know of love and marriage. Based on your response, I will provide one of you with a blessing of money, jewels, automobiles, and clothing. In addition, I will build you a mansion as large as the White House to shelter your husband and my future grandchildren.”
The first of the twin daughters to offer her opinion was named Miracle.
“I will build up my husband and maintain my marriage on pure, unconditional love,” she said. She smiled and continued. “Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not boast. Love is not proud. Love is not rude. Love is not self-seeking. Love is not easily angered. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.”
She closed out her thoughts with the following gem. “I will discuss things with my future husband using sports analogies. Men are simple minded creatures and can best relate their feelings in this way. For example, I will respect my spouse as though he is the head coach of the team. Likewise, he will treat me as though I am the franchise player with a long term contract.”
The second of the twin daughters to offer her opinion was named Mirage.
“Daddy, a great marriage requires even greater communication. My husband and I will exchange words the way Tiger Woods talks to the caddy assigned to carry his golf clubs. Consider me Tigress Woods.
“In order to avoid the financial pitfalls that wreck so many marriages, my spouse and I will agree to proportionally split the household earnings no matter who earns the most. We will allocate 10 percent to the church, 10 percent toward savings, and 30 percent toward the bills. The remaining 50 percent will be donated to charity.” Mirage humbly whispered, “Just to clarify … the Tigress Woods Survival Fund is my favorite philanthropic organization.”
Mirage finished, “Oh yeah Daddy. Blessed is the man who finds a prudent wife like me. Even though my husband will attempt to watch the big playoff game, I will require his undivided attention as he describes how many different ways he truly loves me.”
“Enough!” the old man interrupted. “My decision has become clear. Mirage will become the beneficiary of all my worldly belongings once she is married.”
Upon hearing this Mirage bolted off, screaming with joy. Meanwhile, Miracle stared at her father with amazement and inquired how her father could have arrived at such a conclusion.
“Miracle, your feelings and wisdom toward relationships are your own treasure. You have all that you need to appreciate the joys of marital bliss. Your sister, Mirage, on the other hand will need all of the material things I can offer to get her through the divorces, which are dancing in her immediate future.”