We Forest Parkers live in a densely populated environment, so it’s important for us to be considerate of our fellow urbanites. The following is an urban sensitivity test:
1. I honk my horn to summon people from their houses, because …
A. I don’t get out of my car for banking, eating or dry cleaning, why would I get out to ring a doorbell?
B. I can’t face my girlfriend’s parents.
C. If I don’t honk, we’re both going to be late for work.
2. I only litter when …
A. I’m through with my combo meal.
B. My car ashtray is full.
C. I’m finished with the Review.
3. I double-park because …
A. I never learned how to parallel park.
B. I need to talk to my friend who likes to stand in the street.
C. I’m a UPS driver.
4. I only play my car stereo loudly when …
A. There’s a really good song on.
B. I want to test the strength of my rear window.
C. I need to drown out other people’s lame music at a stoplight.
5. I show consideration for my fellow tenants by …
A. Seeing if they have anything good in their storage lockers.
B. Slipping on my tap shoes when I get home.
C. Letting them enjoy the bass lines of my favorite songs.
6. I don’t allow cars from driveways and side streets into traffic because …
A. I let someone in once and they didn’t wave.
B. One car length can make all the difference between success and failure.
C. I can only see straight ahead while blocking driveways and side streets.
7. I talk loudly on my cell phone because …
A. I like to trick strangers into thinking I’m talking to them.
B. These people I’m hanging out with are so boring.
C. Pushing a stroller just isn’t stimulating enough for me.
8. I get on a subway train before the passengers exit because …
A. I enjoy dancing side-to-side.
B. I never expect anyone to get off.
C. I really miss high school football.
9. I like to congregate with my friends at night; you know, talk in the street, play music because …
A. It reminds me of the old neighborhood.
B. My room’s too small.
C. I get satisfaction from knowing my neighbors are too intimidated to ask us to settle down.
OK – pencils down. Now, let’s all try to be more considerate of our fellow Forest Parkers. And the next time I’m turning right from Marengo onto Madison, please let me in. I promise I’ll wave.
John Rice is taking the week off, please enjoy this column from Dec. 22, 1998