No one wanted to hear about our Michigan vacation, so I had to interview myself.
Q. How much did it cost to rent the house?
A. Only twice as much as what I told my wife.
Q. Why so much?
A. You could sip champagne on the top deck while watching the sun sink into Lake Michigan.
Q. But didn’t you miss Forest Park?
A. No, there were telephone wires partially blocking the view, so we felt right at home.
Q. How big was the place?
A. It could sleep 20, if you had to.
Q. How many occupants were you allowed?
Q. How many did you actually have?
A. I’m not saying until we get the security deposit back.
Q. What was it like having guests from France and the West Indies?
A. Well, if you like gourmet dinners, fine bottles of wine and charming accents – then I guess they’re OK.
Q. Did you perform any death-defying feats?
A. Yes, I sprawled on the beach without sun block while the kid from the Caribbean was slathering on SPF 40. I also climbed to the highest point of Warren Dunes, raising my heartbeat into the “red zone.” And I survived playing golf with two people who had never swung a club before.
Q. Did your vacation remind you of a Hollywood movie?
A. Yeah, there was this ridiculous comedy, “Dan in Real Life” that showed his extended family frolicking in a vacation paradise, with everyone entranced by an adorable French woman. We had all of that plus the best iPod I’d ever listened to.
Q. What was your biggest mistake?
A. Asking a bunch of partiers to turn off the iPod, so that I could serenade them with my keyboard.
Q. I understand the resort had lots of rules: No alcohol on the beach, beach closes at 10 p.m., no dogs on the beach, etc. How many rules did you break?
A. If we had brought the beagle along, we would have had a perfect score.
Q. What was your favorite activity?
A. Getting “tribal” around the beach fire at night, beating out rhythms on improvised drums – no wonder I started rapping.
Q. Did you burn through a lot of groceries?
A. Yes, we had teenagers who could teach locusts a thing or two about eating.
Q. You hate returning to reality. How was it this time?
A. Coming home to the No Gloves tournament definitely softened the landing.
Q. Would you go back there next year?
A. Yes. If gas is still high, I’m willing to row across the lake.