Another major corporation is fleeing from Oak Park to Forest Park. The surprise move by E. F. Rice Co., Inc. from 121 N. Marion to 1038 Beloit sent shock waves through the financial world. Here is an interview with a company spokesperson:
What prompted this move?
Well, with the economic downturn, we no longer needed the full capacity of the 500-square foot world headquarters.
How large is your new Forest Park facility?
The spare bedroom is only 300-square feet but it has a walk-in closet for future corporate expansion.
Wall Street was certainly impressed with your cost-cutting measures.
Yes, our lone shareholder, Betty Anne Rice, was very pleased with our stock’s performance and we’re urging her to buy more shares.
How much financial impact will your company have on Forest Park?
Huge. We’re bringing in 1 and 1/7th jobs, which will contribute six lunches per week to the local economy.
How did news of your move leak to the financial community?
A. They heard rumors that we had made a substantial donation of used office furniture to a resale shop, thus triggering rampant speculation.
What is the upside of this move?
A. We now have an employee parking lot on the slab next to the garage – so no more parking tickets. And the new facility has ten times the napping capacity of the old place.
Is there anything you’ll miss about Oak Park?
We’ll miss all the activity on the mall, the people-watching. But we plan to get involved in the Forest Park community by being really nosy neighbors.
How does your financial future look?
Now that we’ve reduced our overhead and boosted our bottom line, we’re planning a leveraged buyout of some ink cartridges.
Any changes in company policy?
We’re implementing “Casual Weekdays” for the dress code and encouraging employees to break out the Hawaiian shirts and plaid shorts.
Is your investigation company offering any new services?
We’re branching into some related areas – lawn care, dog walking – heck, we’ll even watch your kid if you need to run to the store.
Any message to your clients?
Yes, our new fax number is (708) 366-1417 – otherwise everything else stays the same.