I don’t usually comment on national news but I was shocked by the headlines that followed the downgrading of the US credit rating:

US applies for car loan, needs Bolivia to co-sign

Congress blocks repair of White House roof until Obama gets three estimates

Tea Party celebrates collapse of US currency and return to barter system

New-car-buyer can’t wait to live in it

US seeks modification of debt payments; World Bank can’t stop laughing

More and more Americans wearing wooden barrels

US offers return of Louisiana Purchase territory to France; could really use the $19 million

Gym-shoe sandwiches increasing in popularity

Government urges seniors to check under couch cushions for additional retirement funds

Citibank’s stock jumps when Clyde Summers unexpectedly makes mortgage payment

Illegal American immigrants flooding across Mexican border

Department of Education initiates cost-cutting ‘Every Child Left Behind’ program

After Lone Star State Secedes, Rick Perry elected president of Republic of Texas

Obama gives up smoking when debit card declined during carton purchase

Republicans seek to cut more ‘entitlements’; targeting food, water and air

Venezuela offers emergency aid in exchange for more Venezuelan baseball managers

While applying for second mortgage US unable to produce a single pay stub

UN decrees the US cannot start any more wars until current three are paid for

Stock market reports shares of AAA; plus board-up service skyrocketing

Richest two percent tired of whining by bottom 98 percent

More Americans seeking careers as recipients of welfare, food stamps and Section 8 housing

Ohio reports creation of one full-time job; Iowa touts hiring of two part-timers

Calling it ‘Seward’s Folly,’ US hopes Russia will buy back Alaska

Forest Park man reports box-of-pennies fund ran out 15 minutes into retirement

John Rice is a columnist/private detective, who has seen his business and family thrive in Forest Park. He thoroughly enjoys life in the village and still gets a thrill smelling Red Hots, watching softball and strolling through cemeteries.