I had the following conversation with a 13-year-old-girl of my acquaintance. Names and specifics have been changed, but not by much.
Me: How was last night?
Thirteen: Terrible. So much drama. We were over at Dakota’s house and she was mad at Taylor because she found out he put his arm around Alicia at school but Taylor only did that because Alicia was sad because Declan broke up with her because he wanted to be “just friends” and he and Alicia have been together like forever like since Christmas and it wasn’t true anyway I know because Declan texted Taylor that he likes me which is totally unacceptable because one Alicia is my friend even though she stole Quinn from me last fall but that was good because I hate him and two Declan is not datable anyway because he is like 8 inches shorter than me. [Inhale] So Dakota is all crying and emo over Taylor when she gets this text from Aiden that he wants to come over and she’s like OK but that means I have to leave because Chloe texted me that Aiden wants to tell Dakota that he likes her and I know Dakota doesn’t like Aiden that way and it will be an uncomfortable conversation so I leave Dakota’s and walk to Chloe’s but I can’t stay there because she and Quinn have been making out and I’m just not ready for that so Sophie and Addison and I go out but Addison starts crying because she gets a bunch of texts from people at a party that we weren’t invited to because Sophie broke up with Carter and the texts are all like ‘OMG Addison Logan kissed Brooklyn!’ and Addison is all a mess because she likes Logan so we have to walk all the way back to Addison’s dad’s house because she is crying too much and on the way Mason texted me that he wants to go out with me and I don’t know how to handle that either so I went home and we’re going to a movie tomorrow instead of to Avery’s party because if Logan is there with his new girlfriend Addison will totally freak out. Gah! I can not wait until everyone is mature.
Me: Bad news, Thirteen. Twenty-five years from now what you just told us will go like this:
“Declan and I wanted to go to dinner with friends but we can’t go out with Sophie and Logan anymore because last time we did she got drunk and screamed at him that he works too much. Awkward because that’s why her marriage to Taylor ended. We used to go out a lot with Alicia and Quinn but they got divorced which means now not only can we not go out with either of them because that would be ‘taking sides’ but I also can’t play tennis with Sophie anymore because she and Alicia started dating after the divorce. At least I think it was after. Declan wanted to go to Addison’s birthday party but I refused the invitation because I don’t want to watch Brooklyn take two Xanaxes just so she can be in the same room with Logan for an hour. I would like to have gone because Carter was actually going to be there. I guess Dakota agreed to take the kids on a Saturday night for once. I swear I don’t know why he ever slept with her in the first place except that after she moved back here from Rome he couldn’t resist because he was so unhappy with Chloe. Did I tell you she called me last week? She needed to know if Mason was going to be at Avery’s party before she could decide if she was going. How should I know what Mason is going to do? I’m over him but he’s not over me and it’s been 25 years. Besides, Dakota has way more right to be mad at him since he dumped her for Aiden. That was a rough month, just Chardonnay and Chunky Monkey. I told Dakota I didn’t know which I’m guessing is why she agreed to take the kids. Probably best Declan and I didn’t go to the party anyway, because I heard Logan’s engaged again which would have made Addison freak out.”
So you may not like drama, Thirteen, but you better get used to it.