This is a letter I sent to District 209 Superintendent Henderson upon hearing of his resignation:

Dear Superintendent Henderson,

Ah, the news of your resignation — what a shock it must be to those who mistook your tenure for leadership. Allow me to reflect on the “legacy” you leave behind in Proviso.

Long-Term Solutions? Your commitment to long-term solutions was truly something to behold — if only we could find any. Perhaps they’re hiding somewhere, just waiting to be discovered by your successor.

Quitting with Style? Your resignation is a master class in quitting when the going gets tough. It’s almost inspiring how you managed to abandon ship with such flair.

Financial Wizardry? The financial decisions under your watch were nothing short of magical. Who else could turn $500 into cupcakes delivered from Hammond, Indiana and call it fiscal responsibility? Bravo!

Renaming Places, a Tribute or a Favor? Renaming the football stadium for Theresa Kelly and the proposed renaming of two places in honor of Kimberly Lightford and Chris Welch certainly raised eyebrows. What’s up with that? A touching tribute or a master class in palm-greasing? Only time will tell.

In that same vein, I’d like to propose renaming the trash/dumpster area at each school “The Henderson Innovation Center.” It’s a fitting tribute, don’t you think? A place where discarded ideas and failed leadership can find a home.

A Lesson in Transparency, Henderson style: Your approach to transparency was truly innovative. By keeping everything so well hidden, you’ve given us all a lesson in what not to do.

Holmes County 2.0: Your departure has left some wondering if we’re witnessing Holmes County 2.0. Troubled districts seem to follow you like a shadow. It’s almost like a talent. If history has taught us anything, I’d recommend that the Henderson 5 doesn’t delete any documents as I’m sure investigations and audits will follow.

Your departure is indeed a momentous occasion. You will not be missed. Proviso can now look forward to leadership that might actually involve leading. Your unique approach to governance will be remembered, studied, and hopefully never repeated.

Best of luck in your future endeavors, Superintendent Henderson. May they be as “successful” as your time here in Proviso. And remember, “The Henderson Innovation Center” will always be a part of our community — right next to the recycling bins.

With all the sincerity I can muster,

J. Spears