Here are my predictions for my favorite season — fall.
National security experts will worry about a dangerous drop in the country’s cinnamon reserves.
Climate change deniers will insist that “winter” is a hoax perpetrated by the mitten industry.
Psychologists will be unable to explain the seasonal urge to wear orange.
Sweet potatoes will be in a panic, while eggnog starts to worry.
Teachers are looking forward to their 15-minute lunches and other brief breaks from their busy schedules.
For safety reasons, flying wedge kickoff returns will be eliminated from family football games.
Sales of rakes will plummet, as more and more students are assigned to collect leaves.
Students will have to adjust their schedules by skipping 3 a.m. snacks and rising before noon.
Human rights advocates will decry Thanksgiving as a celebration of genocide, while animal rights advocates will claim it’s a celebration of turkey-cide.
Those who celebrate an extra hour of sleep when they “fall back” will complain when it’s getting dark right after lunch.
More and more doctors will recommend the all-bratwurst diet because this time of year we need food that “sticks to our ribs.”
The road that goes “over the river and through the woods” will be closed for construction.
Parents are worried that their kids’ reading the backs of cereal boxes will not meet the requirements of the summer reading program.
Canning will increase in popularity as more Americans tire of eating dry dog food.
Teachers are gearing up for disruptive students and their demanding parents.
People who savor their pumpkin-flavored latte will discover that pumpkin spice doesn’t contain a trace of pumpkin.
Yellow jackets will be looking forward to Oktoberfest celebrations.
Traditional school supplies like textbooks, notebook paper and pens are no longer necessary for students who have everything they need on I-Pads.
The scariest Halloween costume will be “Dean of Discipline.”
The fashion industry will be touting their latest line of ugly sweaters.
We will be missing summer. A sign at a local business sums it up: “Was it just me, or did June and July last five minutes?”
The World Series will end just before they drop the puck for the Winter Classic.
Wearing long underwear will once again be a fashion statement.
With the sun at a low angle, drivers will wish they had cleaned their windshields.
My five-year-old grandson wants a new Baby Shark backpack. Well, who doesn’t?