We all need words of inspiration now and then. So remember:
If at first you don’t succeed … the Bears can probably use you at quarterback.
Whatever doesn’t kill us … will expand our understanding of modern medicine.
If you stand for nothing … you might enjoy being a security guard.
No man is an island … regardless of how much water they displace at the pool.
The first step in conquering an addiction is … admit that we no longer have a driver’s license, or a car, but still owe a mess of parking tickets.
It’s always darkest before the dawn … except in Forest Park, where the streetlights are so bright, people forget to turn on their headlights.
Cast your bread upon the waters of the Des Plaines River … chances are the carp will be biting.
We have nothing to fear … but the daily newspaper, TV news, and squeezing into a really tight garage.
I cried when I had no shoes … because someone was tracking snow into the house.
When the going gets tough … stop for a cup of coffee until the traffic dies down.
It is better to give than to receive … but play it safe by including the gift receipt.
Workers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains … like Walmart, for example.
Don’t tug on Superman’s cape, spit into the wind … or roll through a stop sign on Harrison Street.
The meek are going to inherit the Earth … but I don’t see how.
Playing the piano has opened doors for me into the world of music … while closing doors in my own house.
The high point in the history of human achievement is the yellow line that shows TV viewers the distance needed for a first down … the low point was the invention of the leaf blower.
If you build it, they will come … the building inspectors, that is.
Those who cannot remember the past … are increasing in number.
Eat, drink and be merry … because Forest Park’s economy depends on it.
The worst piece of financial advice I ever received was to wait for the disconnection notice before paying utility bills … I’ll explain the pitfalls as soon as I get the power back on.
George Bernard Shaw said that the Irish are not motivated by money … well that explains a lot.
I don’t think anyone enjoys pumpkin carving and jack-o-lanterns … more than squirrels.
Like many men, I wait until Halloween … so I won’t look out of place wearing a dress.
As you can see from the content of this column … I agree with G.K. Chesterton that anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.
