If you think people are getting dumber, it’s not an illusion. A column by Rex W. Huppke reported on a study that showed there’s been a steady decline in IQ going back to the Victorian era. We’ve lost 14 points since 1837.
We’re trying to reverse this trend on our block. The village has replaced our lead water pipes. Studies have shown that exposure to lead lowers IQ. After lead-free pipes were installed, the collective IQ on the block rose by several points. We’re looking forward to some intellectual discussions at our next block party. Provided we can persuade 75% of the residents to have a block party.
Some of us are even joining book clubs. Our next selection at the McAffer’s Book Club is The Great Gatsby. It’s part of our series of required books we didn’t actually read in high school.
Reading books is one way to combat declining IQs. But there are many factors contributing to the decline: reality TV shows; movies about comic book heroes; video games; sports radio; smart phones; Google searches and celebrity magazines. Did you ever pick up a publication so shallow you could feel your brain cells dying?
The study also showed that our reaction times have slowed. We may be multitasking in a world of instant gratification but a Victorian would beat us to the punch every time (or in the case study, beat us to a button). We’ve seen a 10% decline in reaction times since Victorian times.
Unlike modern multitaskers, Victorians weren’t constantly distracted by electronic devices giving social media updates. Victorians also had the patience and attention spans to read Charles Dickens’ novels in weekly installments.
However, it’s not our collective ADD, or watered-down educations that are making us brainless. The study blames it on that ever-handy villain, heredity. The theory is that brainiacs have fewer kids, leading to a shortage of junior geniuses. Apparently, Mensa members are smart enough to plan their families, while mopes like me kept having kids because they’re so darn cute.
I can see why professional couples might have smaller families. All those years of advanced education and working high-powered jobs could limit their opportunities to bear and raise children.
They would also be intelligent enough to foresee the enormous cost of raising kids. Many are giving their children gold-plated educations, enrolling them in pricey programs and sending them to expensive camps. At those rates, who can afford more than two kids?
Nonetheless, we made the financial sacrifice of raising four children. I believe Know-It-Alls are shirking their responsibility. They should be lifting our educational standards by producing smart kids.
Nerds of the world, unite! If you want to see Jane Austen movies instead of Star Wars sequels, we need you to make brighter kids to buy the tickets. Also, look at the aging audience for the symphony and the opera. The arts need you to start making youthful replacements right now.
Not that there’s any correlation between music appreciation and smartness, or for that matter, intelligence and happiness. I had a friend who said she never met anyone happier than her “dumb cousins.” On the other hand, I’ve known many miserable intellectuals. But we’re not talking happiness here; it’s falling IQ that’s hurting us.
So, smarty-pants, take a break from perfecting the perpetual motion machine. It’s time for warm fusion not cold coffee. We need the kind of kids who sit in the front row, take notes and hand in their assignments on time.
Parents would really appreciate it and teachers will personally thank them at the next conference.
