We all need words of inspiration now and then. So remember:
- If at first you don’t succeed … the Bears can probably use you at quarterback.
- Whatever doesn’t kill us … will expand our understanding of viruses.
- Many are complaining that living through the pandemic has aged them. I, for one, wish these complainers would speak up so I can hear them.
- I’m glad to see fathers who work from home spending more time with their kids … Back in my day, the dad had to be laid off.
- It’s discouraging that many students still prefer remote classes to attending class in person … Don’t they miss the cafeteria serving “Tuna Surprise” on Fridays?
- If you stand for nothing … you might enjoy being a security guard.
- No man is an island … regardless of how much water they displace at the pool.
- The first step in conquering an addiction is to admit that we no longer have a driver’s license — or a car — but still owe a mess of parking tickets.
- It’s always darkest before the dawn … except in Forest Park, where the streetlights are so bright, people forget to turn on their headlights.
- Cast your bread upon the waters of the Des Plaines River … chances are the carp will be biting.
- We have nothing to fear but terrorists, undocumented aliens and the candidates who won’t stop talking about them.
- When the going gets tough … stop for a cup of coffee until the traffic dies down.
- It is better to give than to receive … but play it safe by including the gift receipt.
- Workers of the world unite! … We have nothing to lose but our chain stores!
- Don’t tug on Superman’s cape, spit into the wind, or roll through a stop sign on Harrison Street.
- The meek are going to inherit the Earth … but I don’t see how.
- Playing the piano has opened doors for me into the world of music … while closing doors in my own home.
- The high point in the history of human achievement is the yellow line that shows TV viewers the distance needed for a first down … The low point was the invention of the leaf blower.
- If you build it, they will come … the building inspectors, that is.
- Those who cannot remember the past … are increasing in number.
- Eat, drink and be merry … because Forest Park’s economy depends on it.
- The worst piece of financial advice I ever received was to wait for the disconnection notice before paying utility bills … I’ll explain the pitfalls as soon as I get the power back on.
- George Bernard Shaw said that the Irish are not motivated by money … Well, that explains a lot.
- I don’t think anyone enjoys pumpkin carving and jack-o-lanterns more than squirrels.
- Like many men, I wait until Halloween so I won’t look out of place wearing a dress.
As you can see from the content of this column, I agree with G.K. Chesterton that anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.
