The holidays often act like emotional amplifiers. If you are relatively happy with your life and relationships, the holiday season will make you even happier.
For most kids living in Forest Park the holidays create a wonderful fantasy land — lights twinkling on the tree in the living room during the longest nights of the year transform the home space. And day by day the number of presents under the tree in colorful wrappings steadily grows.
We hear Nate King Cole’s mellow baritone singing “The Christmas Song”:
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Helps to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight
They know that Santa’s on his way
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
And every mother’s child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly.
Or Andy Williams:
It’s the most wonderful time of the year
With the kids jingle belling
And everyone telling you be of good cheer
It’s the most wonderful time of the year.
For adults it’s an occasion to conjure up happy childhood memories. Although we no longer believe in Santa, we love to repeat the story to our young ones, and bring them to the Forest Park Bank to tell the jolly old elf what they want for Christmas.
Local teenagers have outgrown fantasy and haven’t lived long enough to be sentimental, so they relate more to Brenda Lee’s 1958 hit:
Rockin’ around the Christmas tree
At the Christmas party hop
Mistletoe hung where you can see
Every couple tries to stop
Rockin’ around the Christmas tree
Let the Christmas spirit ring.
Rockin’ around the Christmas tree
Have a happy holiday
Everyone dancin’ merrily
In the new old-fashioned way.
Bottom line — it’s the hap-happiest time of the year.
On the other hand, if you’re feeling depressed, the holidays can make you feel even worse. If you’ve just gone through a divorce, Christmas can feel like a time “to get through” rather than an event to look forward to.
You’ve just lost someone you once loved — maybe still do — and the children might be at the home of your ex on Christmas Eve. Not the hap-happiest time of the year.
Getting laid off, getting sick, having a loved one die — all of these are losses and the normal way to respond to loss is to grieve. Grief may include sadness, depression, confusion, anxiety, numbness, anger or feeling overwhelmed
I was 22 when my father died, and the last thing I wanted to do was rock around the Christmas tree.
A survey by the American Psychological Association found that 38% of people felt their stress levels increased during the holiday season. “Stress can lead to an increased risk of illness, substance misuse, and higher rates of anxiety and depression. Feeling depressed during the holidays is very real.”
What makes Christmas an amplifier is that when a neighbor greets you with “Merry Christmas,” and if you respond in kind, you might be faking it. Everywhere you look — from Christmas Cards to TV commercials — everyone seems happy. And all of those encounters can serve to amplify how bad you feel because by comparison you don’t feel that way.
In Norman Rockwell’s painting titled “Freedom from Want,” the matriarch of an extended family is setting a big freshly cooked turkey on a table while three generations smile as they anticipate enjoying the feast and each other.
At times in my life that painting made me feel warm inside. Rockwell skillfully painted a scene portraying life the way I want life to be, and I had enough of the elements in the painting to resonate with it.
But at other times, like after my father died or after my divorces, looking at the painting was painful because it reminded me of what I had lost. It amplified how I was feeling.
“The holidays are a stereotypically cheerful time,” the website Mind explains, “when everyone is meant to be surrounded by loved ones and enjoying every second of the season. But when someone isn’t feeling happy or cheerful, or if they can’t be near their loved ones, the apparent cheer surrounding them can make them feel even more down, and often alone with their feelings – which deepens symptoms of depression.”
The website WebMD lists tips for coping with holiday stress and depression:
Make realistic expectations.
Set realistic goals for yourself.
Pace yourself.
Keep track of your holiday spending.
Be realistic about what you can and cannot do.
Don’t set yourself up for disappointment and sadness by comparing today with the good old days of the past.
If you are lonely, try volunteering some time to help others.
Limit your drinking, since excessive drinking will only increase your feelings of depression.
Try something new.
Spend time with supportive and caring people.
Let others share the responsibilities of holiday tasks.
Make time for yourself!
