On March 28 we will hold another “No Kings” rally, which reminded me of how Sigmund Freud described infants:
In a piece titled “On Narcissism,” which Freud wrote in 1914, he said, “His Majesty the Baby, as we once fancied ourselves to be. … At the weakest point of all in the narcissistic position, the immortality of the ego which is so relentlessly assailed by reality, security is achieved by fleeing to the child.
“The child … shall not be subject to the necessities … dominating life. Illness, death, renunciation of enjoyment, restrictions on his own will, shall not touch him; the laws of nature, like those of society, are to be abrogated in his favor; he is really to be the center and heart of creation.”
When you think about it, infants are at the center of the universe, or at least they feel like they are. Everything revolves around them. They poop when and where they want. They are served food on demand. They can express rage and anger without reprimand. They are, in effect, his majesty the baby
Regarding President Trump’s behavior, being the center of attention is cute when you are a baby. When exhibited by an adult we call it infantile.
In 1954 a psychiatrist named Harry Tiebout picked up the His Majesty the Baby baton from Freud and described what it is like when it persists into adulthood. His description fits Trump almost perfectly:
“At the start of life the psyche (1) assumes its own omnipotence, (2) cannot accept frustrations and (3) functions at a tempo allegretto with a good deal of staccato and vivace thrown in. Now the question is, ‘If the infantile psyche persists into adult life, how will its presence be manifested?’ In general, when infantile traits continue into adulthood, the person is spoken of as immature.”
“The expression, ‘He has an inflated ego’ [aka His Majesty the Baby] … evokes the picture of a ‘pompous, self-important, strutting individual whose inferiorities are masked by a surface assurance. Such a person appears thick-skinned, insensitive, nearly impervious to the existence of others, a completely self-centered individual who plows unthinkingly through life, intent on gathering unto himself all the comforts and satisfactions available. He is generally considered the epitome of selfishness.
“Round out the portrait of the egotistical person are prideful, arrogant, pushing, dominating, attention-seeking, aggressive, opinionated, headstrong, stubborn, determined and impatient.
“People who openly continue to cling to their claims of divine prerogative usually end up in a world especially constructed for their care [i.e. they surround themselves with people who agree and obey].
“The immaturity of such a person is readily evident. He is impatient of delay, can never let matters evolve; he must have a blueprint to follow outlining clearly a path through the jungle of life. The wisdom of the ages is merely shackling tradition which should make way for the freshness, the insouciance of youth.
“He is possessed by an inner king who not only must do things in a hurry, but has no capacity for taking frustration in stride.
“The part of the personality which must surrender is the inflated Ego.”
The part of the personality that must surrender is also entitlement, feeling pissed that we weren’t awarded a Nobel Prize.
In Necessary Losses writer Judith Viorst describes healthy adulthood in a way that contrasts starkly with Trump’s behavior. She claims that moving from childhood to adulthood requires “an altering of our ego ideal from impossibly grandiose to something more realistic.”
“We have left a safe place and can’t go home again. We have moved into a world where life isn’t fair, where life is rarely what it should be.”
Growing up means:
gaining the wisdom and skills to get what we want within the limitations imposed by reality.
tolerating ambivalence. Looking at life from more than one perspective.
being constrained by morality.
knowing how to make a distinction between reality and fantasy.
accepting reality means that we have come to terms with the world’s and our own limitations and flaws.
knowing that reality cannot provide us with special treatment or absolute control.
“Adults though we may be, the forbidden wishes, impossible wishes of our childhood continue to insist on gratification.”
Although the above seems to convict Donald Trump of being guilty of infantile immaturity, we are also in the middle of the season of Lent in which we are invited to engage in self-examination.
How often have we behaved as if we are entitled, as if the world should revolve around us? How often have we:
been impatient and demanding
self-indulgent, exploitative of other people
indifferent to injustice and cruelty
judged falsely, harbored uncharitable thoughts toward our neighbors, been guilty of prejudice and contempt toward those who differ from us?
Compared to King Donald we might be just servants in the palace, but as such I for one admit that I am still part of the system.
Instead of making America great again maybe our first priority should be to become humble.