A young stay-at-home mom told me it’s time for women like herself to unionize. Here is a list of her demands:

Management shall increase the number of sick days for union members from zero to one per month. If the member is not physically sick, they can substitute a monthly mental health day to restore their sanity.

Management is responsible for two date nights per month. Management must hire a babysitter and provide dinner and a movie. The restaurant must not have a drive-thru window and the movie cannot be on Netflix.

During family vacations, members are entitled to one hour of alone time per day. They can use this time for walks, trips to Dairy Queen, or browsing the nearest Target.

One out of every 10 family photos must contain a picture of the member. Management must also provide an annual professional family photo shoot.

Anniversary gifts must be made of
a precious metal. Steel appliances do
not count. Birthday gifts should include the member’s birth stone,
or a bracelet displaying the kids’ names. 

Management must assist in recreational activities by providing members with season passes to pools, zoos, children’s museums, or trampoline parks.

Management must expand the household menu by purchasing weekly meal kits. If the member prepares the meal kit, management is responsible for clean-up.

To promote household cleanliness, management must hire a professional house cleaner to come on a monthly basis. 

If a member takes on extra duties, such as serving as team mom, room mom, or joining the PTO, management must provide a gift certificate for a spa or salon.

Management is responsible for ensuring the comfort of members. This includes providing lounge wear, slip-on shoes and comfy throw blankets. 

Members are entitled to a minimum of one hour of adult conversation per day. During this time, management is prohibited from scrolling social media, checking emails or glancing at the game. 

Members are entitled to two girl’s night out dates per month. During these dates, management is prohibited from texting members about what time they’re coming home.

When members are out in public with their kids, strangers are not allowed to remind them, “You’ve really got your hands full.”

“Working moms” are not allowed to feel superior to members, as economists estimate stay-at-home moms are worth an annual $184,820 for the services they provide. Others consider their services to be “priceless.” 

Members will provide the following services: child care, housework, transportation of children and running household errands. Food preparation also required except for weekly pizza night.

Stay-at-home moms are worth even more during pandemics with the addition of homeschooling to their duties.

Whenever possible, management must provide hands-on help to members by assisting children with homework, getting children to bed and, if necessary, changing their diapers. 

My young friend doesn’t have a name for the union, or how it would work on a practical basis. She just knows Forest Park is a union town and this would truly be its first labor union. 

John Rice is a columnist/novelist who has seen his family thrive in Forest Park. He has published two books set in the village: The Ghost of Cleopatra and The Doll with the Sad Face.